Film Review 5-28-2010
In 1984 the world shook hands with Footloose—A gonad-jarring film about the trials and tribulations of featherweight high-school dancer, Ren McCormack, played by Kevin Bacon. McCormack finds himself as the ‘new guy’ in a very small mid-western town which has outlawed dancing, rock n’ roll and drunken 3-ways…Having just left Chicago—a place where music, dance and sex with multiple partners at the same time were commonplace for Bacon’s character—he finds himself struggling to adjust to his new surroundings…Side Note: I could be wrong, but I’m guessing that Kevin Bacon had a hard time adjusting to some of the outfits he was forced to don during the making of the movie…
As an increasingly depressed McCormack formulates plans to end his own life via the electric-slide—He meets a sultry temptress named Ariel, who becomes the one ray of sunshine in his otherwise cloudy sky. Ariel plays ‘hard to get’ at first, but like so many sea-scallops in the ocean—she’s eventually all wrapped up in Bacon.
Fueled by an unbridled revel of dance & sex, the duo of McCormack & Ariel eventually recalibrate the town’s ‘fun-prohibition’ laws, which culminates when Bacon single-handedly transforms his own senior prom into a knock-down, drag-out, drunken dance-orgy for the ages…
I give it a 6.9 out of 10 on the Tight-Slacks scale…I would have given it a 9 if it was in 3-D—and Bacon was blue, 8-feet tall—with a magic weave that plugged into things…
SO…. After reading your fine interpreatation of Footloose I thought I’d let you in on the creation of the remake! Dennis Quaid is playing the evil dad and the thing is being filmed in Covington, GA as we speak. I work in this little redneck joke of a town and all sorts of movie equipment is parked all over the downtown area. Should be a real B-class winner!
P.S. that crap tv show Vampire Diaries, the latest season was filmed in Covington, GA – The place where b-class cinematography comes to life!
Peace out!
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Dear God: Death by electric slide! I wonder if being eliminated by that would hurt as bad as watching drunk moon-walkers? Toe-tapping feet everywhere want to know.
From what I understand (which isn’t much), death by E-Slide is the slowest and most painful of the dance-related deaths…
…face down on the freshly cut rug =)
Did it take you until 2010 to watch this movie??
Haha—I procrastinate—what can I say? Was my 2nd e-mail more successful?
Don’t forget. This movies inspired a whole generation of white people into thinking they can dance side by side with blacks & latinos. In an interview with Vanilla Ice, he personally said he was inspired by Chris Penn’s fearless display of dancing.
You’re wrong Lando Creed—It was I who inspired a whole generation of white people to compete for black & latino-like rhythm… Who do you think Bacon’s character was based on in real life?